The Shadowed Thoughts of Silas McBane #2: A Life to Save

The simplicity of it all is staggering.  To simply end your life, or to save it.  I have that power, you know.  But, what a weighty decision!  I can hardly breathe from the magnitude of it all.  Oh, I've watched you.  Back and forth, from here to there, all the while knowing my patience was growing thin, so very thin.  Your comings and goings have been so sinister of late.  It's a dare!  That's what it is!  You're daring me to do what you think I don't have the fortitude or will to do!  How dare you dare me!  Have I not given you a place of solitude?  Have I not, willingly or otherwise, provided abundant sustenance?  I remember a time when I regarded you as a guest.  Then, simply a presence.  This slowly evolved into nuisance, then unwelcome trespasser, and now I simply cannot stand the sight of you!  Yes, I must do it.  I do tremble.  It's unnatural, having you here, really.  Perhaps I could engage someone else to carry out the deed, but that would only prolong my misery and thus delay my reacquisition of the freedom I feel you've taken from me.  But even now, as I look at you, this sadness!  I've made up my mind that I must snuff the spark of your life or toil in agony until one of us eventually succumbs to illness or time.  The decision is made.  Oh, this knot in my stomach.  I could just faint!  I've got you in a corner and it's now or…never.  But…I would miss your company.  Not often, just every once in a while.  Just at those times when the presence of another brings just the slightest comfort and relief.  And sometimes, just sometimes, that makes all the difference in the world.  Oh, me.  My heart does not allow me to take a life.  I must rescind.  I release you from this corner, I beg your forgiveness for even the mere contemplation of killing you.  I see now that I may not value my life above yours.  Let us be free in this place together, old friend.  Soon again shall I see you, and more welcoming then, for certain.  Flee, little cockroach.  Flee.

 

-Silas McBane